Who are you and what do you do? Do you easily say, "I am a teacher" or "I am a developer" or some other identity? Perhaps you're not there yet because you're working towards a new role in life. You're focused on the outcome of "I want to become a project manager" or "I want to become an engineer." What you think triggers what you feel, which triggers your actions and then turns all that into your results. Essentially you move in the direction of your strongest thoughts. Which thought has more doubt, the words "I am" or "I want to become"? Which sounds more confident? Your identity is where your habits get formed. If you say and feel "I am a writer" you are more likely to start acting like a writer and thinking of behaviors and habits that will make you a writer such as being disciplined to get up early and write every day. If you say "I want to become a writer" you may write from time to time when you feel like it. Do you see the difference here? If you want to be skinny and healthy you do the things that people do to be skinny and healthy, such as eating healthy, exercising, and believing you are achieving a healthy state. A habit expert James Clear says this, "More precisely, your habits are how you embody your identity. When you make your bed each day, you embody the identity of an organized person. When you code each day, you embody the identity of a developer. When you train each day, you embody the identity of an athletic person." The more you repeat the behaviors of the person you identify as the more you reinforce your identity and become the kind of person you desire. Little wins in this area become proof that you are the person you want to be. If you don't have a job as a software engineer but are working on projects and blogging, you are still acting within your identity. If you study for your math class for 2 hours a day you are demonstrating evidence that you are studious. If you want to be a web designer, then start learning how to design websites. Your habits will help reinforce not only your identity but your purpose in life. Your habits are the process of becoming the person you want to be. If you want to become a vegetarian you stop eating meat and start eating more fruits and vegetables. You shop for more fruits and vegetables, find recipes with only these ingredients and start reading blogs about the life of vegetarians. What is the best process for being a police officer, a doctor, a business owner or you fill in the blank? Start with thinking you are this person in your head, then start evolving into this person little by little through your behaviors and habits. Then observe your confidence and self-trust solidify. As you are working to form your identity be aware of the labels other people are putting on you. Labels can either solidify your beliefs about your identity or break down your beliefs. Be aware of the labels you have and how you can shift them to be more in your favor. For example, if people think of you as a retail person that works at a clothing store but you really want to be a business owner, find networks of business owners to try and help get your mindset aligned with like-minded people. Your identity is the sum of your behaviors, the people, and the content you surround yourself with. Don't let who you were or the mistakes you made define you. Let the dreams of the person you are moving towards be what defines you. Everyone starts at 0 but the only way to move from 0 to100 is to take action and keep the momentum with a little progress every day moving closer to the person you want to become.
Julie Allen is a Confidence Career Coach and Life Coach in the Seattle area. She helps young professionals achieve their career and life potential.
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